Why I reacted the way I did at Walmart that one day? I have no idea. Call it hormones. I think I contained my anger and frustration pretty well in the store, but I still hate the way I responded internally. I ruined my day. Completely.
A short time later, I was driving to Greensboro to visit a friend and I was listening to the radio. Francesca Battistelli's new song "This Is The Stuff" came on, and it was the first chance I'd had to listen to the lyrics. Here's a bit a of the chorus.
"This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use...
...It's not the end of the world"
I needed to hear that.
I still disagree with their policy, but I didn't need to let it get to me like that. There are worse things.
Also, I'm trying to get more comfortable praying out loud in front of people. I get what I guess is performance anxiety and a total mental block. The words just don't come. Praying in front of people is not something I grew up doing, so I'm not yet comfortable with it. Then, a friend and pastor, Justin (shout out to The Wallace Family), suggested that I try praying out loud in the car when no one is there to hear except for God, to get used to hearing my voice out loud instead of just thoughts in my head.
I've tried it a few times, and I have to say it was really awkward to start speaking, breaking that silence. On this car ride to Greensboro, I tried it again, and ended up praying for over 20 minutes! It was awesome! If I keep it up, maybe I won't have to keep a cheat sheet when praying at my mentoring sessions. Haha, yes I kept a cheat sheet. I wonder if she could tell.